You win some, you lose some

If you’ve read my previous post, you’ll recall that last April I went away to Cuba with my two roommates, who just happened to be my best friends. For their privacy, I will refer to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2. The Things and I had the most amazing time at the resort and we happened to meet a group of boys there who went to our university, and who happened to sit directly across from us on our plane. We all became friends, but one of the boys in particular stood out to me. His father was considered “one of the boys” and had gone on the trip with them. To me, any boy who is comfortable and confident enough to be friends with his dad is cool. This boy, let’s call him Jacob, and I got along very well and had good conversations. Somehow I convinced him to let me teach him how to dance one night at the 24 hour bar, and then take a long walk on the beach with me. I knew he was something special. His dad acted as a wingman and would pull me aside and say, “[Jacob] really likes you. He says you have good talks. He’s a real good kid and would treat you well. You should give him a chance.” I definitely was interested in Jacob, but I was also very shy. I’d never had a boyfriend before and was very inexperienced with boys. On the plane ride home my friends and his friends, I’m sure by pure coincidence, arranged themselves so that Jacob and I could sit beside each other. We didn’t say much to each other because both of us are on the quiet side. At one point he asked if I needed a pen, and I said no. At another point he asked if I was getting anything from duty free, and I said no. That was all. Oh, and when we landed (he likes to remind me of this) I guess I literally threw my phone at him without saying anything. He understood though, and added his number. Fast forward, we hung out the entire summer and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. My friends were really happy for me for having a boyfriend, and I nice one at that. Summer was coming to an end and I was excited because Jacob and I, since we went to the same school, would get to live so close to each other. However, I had this pit feeling that I was going to have a hard time splitting my time between the Things and my new boyfriend. Jacob reassured me that everything was going to be okay and we’d all hang out together. But within the first week back at school I knew something was wrong. I was spending so much time With Jacob and I guess the Things took it personally. The first night we all went out together, Thing 2 drunkenly gave Jacob the finger. She found out I was really upset about it and apologized to him later, but I noticed she didn’t apologize to me. As the semester went on, Jacob would say to me that he felt like the Black Plague whenever he came over. My roommates looked disgusted to see him and barely made any effort to talk to him. Soon I started to feel the same way. They stopped texting me and inviting me places, because they assumed I’d always be with Jacob. I tried to ignore it and act like nothing was wrong. I continued to be pleasant to the Things whenever I saw them, and always made the effort to invite them to watch hockey games with Jacob and I. Jacob even invited them to his place for barbecues, but they never ever agreed to come. I was sad to lose such close friends, but at the same time knew that I had other friends who wouldn’t treat me or my boyfriend like that.

Some significant things happened that furthered my reasoning to just let go of the friendship. Some things I don’t even want to think about to write. But one of the things was that something mean was written about me on a board on the wall of my own apartment. Thing 1 made a board with all of our names on it so that every time we did something funny we’d get a gold star beside our name. Since I was rarely around I had very few stars compared to the Things. But one day, I guess some of my “friends” got drunk and thought it’d be funny to draw a star beside my name. Inside my star they wrote “have some fun for fucks sakes”. I took photos of it when I saw it but never brought it up with them, I guess because I’m scared of confrontation. But one weekend when my mom was coming to pick me up I took the board down because I didn’t want her to see what my friends wrote about me. But when I came back at the end of the weekend I saw that the board was back on the wall. It’s still there to this day. That sort of offended me, but the worst part to me is that I am having fun! They must think my life sucks without them if they’d write such a thing. Okay, maybe I’m not getting drunk every weekend and doing dumb things to get a gold star, but I am having just as much fun, if not more, cuddling with Jacob and watching shows, or cooking together, or talking, or shopping, or going on cute dates. I’m happy!

Another thing that happened was that the Things thought it would be a good idea to basically ambush me and try to talk about what was going on between us. Terrible idea. I felt ganged up on. I felt like I was a little kid being scolded by my two parents. Basically all that happened was they got to tell me how frustrated they were, how awkward they felt when I was around, and how I need to change my time management. I barely got to say anything I wanted/needed to say. Nothing really changed after that talk except that I kept reminding myself of how Thing 1 basically said she had given up on our friendship. That seemed odd to me because I never felt like put any effort in in the first place.

One other thing that sticks out to me is that Thing 1 decided to unfriend Jacob on Facebook. I actually cried a little bit about that because to me, that is a significant statement. That really shows that you don’t ever plan on making amendments. If she ever thought we’d fix our friendship, she wouldn’t have done that. Jacob says he could care less, but I was shocked.

I hope this post made sense. I try to look at everything that happened and see their side just as much as mine, because I can imagine it isn’t nice to have a friend spend more time with their boyfriend than you. But I do not think that they handled it well. They could have shown more effort towards me and my boyfriend. I felt like I was the only one showing an interest in the friendship. And I have other friends who I don’t see often and am still close with. In fact, I just keep in mind that I do have other really good friends and shouldn’t get hung up on the Things.

A lot of things (no pun intended) can change in one year. I can’t believe the roller coaster my year has been. But at the end of the day, I’m happy. If I thought about it, I might feel sad. But I try not to.

Thanks for listening!


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